it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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