i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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