I'm pants shitting drunk right now
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
