just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize