She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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