Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
