The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
