Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
