if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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