There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
