In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
