I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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