Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You took a bar mat shot.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
