Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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