I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
