My brain says no but my pants say off.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
