we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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