I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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