I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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