dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize