If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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