Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
drinking out of a sandbucket again
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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