He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
