my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
