We're facebook friends in real life
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
