I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
