I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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