someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
