She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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