I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Holy sore nipples Batman
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
