Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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