How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I would fuck him just for his dog
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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