well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
