Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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