i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
