Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
