: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
