You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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