whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
