He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
