I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
