so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
