who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
