The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I came so hard my ears popped.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize