just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
