Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
