the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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