I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
It's just like the Real World with babies
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Randomize
