I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Randomize
