it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
