I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
