ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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