You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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