I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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