When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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