You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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