I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
