I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
