I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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