my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
soo... how was my night?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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