I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
