Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
