I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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