Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
