i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
