A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
