i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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