You just made me feel so damn special
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
