We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
we should paint friendship bongs
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
